Chores are a GOOD Thing for Children

Parents know it is easier to just do the picking up, vacuuming, putting dishes in the dishwasher and emptying, washing dishes, setting the table, laundry, vacuuming, dusting, cleaning out the dog water bowl and refilling it with fresh water, food prep and lunch packing – themselves.  It’s faster, easier, and usually with better results.  BUT by not having your child routinely participate in these actions, you are essentially withholding emotional and life-skill benefits from your child. Seriously.

Possible negative outcomes from not doing chores:

• Selfishness, greediness
• Entitlement
• Dependency, neediness
• Some helplessness

Possible positive outcomes from doing chores:

• Self-esteem, feeling needed and appreciated, gratitude from others for a job well done
• Strong work ethic
• Stop gender bias; boys as well as girls participating equally
• Competence, sense of responsibility
• Participation, teamwork, sharing the burden of tasks, giving back, sharing the load
• Independence
• Empathy, thoughtfulness, kindness, contributor, aware of others
• Patience, humor, sense of accomplishment
• Order in the house, cleaner and healthier
• Happiness

The positive results far surpass the negative.

A three-year-old can do a little loading and unloading in the dishwasher (not the sharp knives), stand on a stool to wash some dishes in the sink (loads of soap), empty a wastebasket, sort clean laundry into categories – match the socks, straighten shoes at the door, put napkins/silverware on the dinner table, pick up toys and put in specific baskets or shelves, pick up books (with time to look through a couple).  “Thank you.  Such good work!”

A six-year-old can do these and more. Take the garbage bag to the outside bin, empty recycling, vacuum, measure ingredients to make a cake, add some oil and vinegar and mix the salad, help make their bed, feed the dog, take the dog out for a walk then wipe its paws, put games away in an order, straighten the family room table, stack up the library books.

“Thank you.  Good job!”

A middle schooler should be able to do it all. Just not all at once. Cleanup in bathrooms, change the towels, do the laundry (washer and dryer, fold and put away), take out and bring back the garbage bins, wash down the kitchen counter and stove top (spaghetti sauce, bacon grease, etc.), fluff the sofa cushions, iron the pants needed for a school performance, if you see something lying on the floor then pick it up and put it where it belongs, empty waste baskets, change their bed sheets, dust, help cook dinner, grocery store shopping – choose the best fruits and vegetables, find the best price for cereal boxes (compare unit pricing), check expiration dates on foods before buying, help siblings learn how to do simpler chores – be a role model.

“Thank you.  I value your initiative and participation in helping the household work! Glad you are a member of our family.”

There are studies and articles about the benefits of chores for children.  All say a sense of participation, appreciation and feeling good about what they’ve done make for a HAPPY child.  We know it takes persistence.  Refusing to give in. This is about being a member of a family, a unit that lives together and needs to take care of each other and the surroundings.

Some articles make a joke about paying a child.  Are you paying a child for being a member of the family and participating in the group’s well-being?  Is that a good idea?  It could even foster selfishness, greed, quid pro quo, me-me-me.  Precocious children might say they don’t need the money right now, some will beg and bleed you for more money, some will argue they do more than their sibling (not even taking into account ages or perhaps time constraints).  Try avoiding going down that path. Yes, children need spending money (and for saving on their own), just not as remuneration for helping the household run smoothly. Call it an allowance or just give some money when needed.  Hopefully, they are saving their tooth fairy and birthday money.  Eventually they will earn money for some jobs (dog walking, babysitting, etc.).

Being at home more this past year has helped families work together maintaining some sense of order (and cleanliness).  Each of us – men and boys – as well as women and girls – have had to pitch in and learn what to do to have a more organized living environment.  No more perpetuating the idea that cleaning is only a ‘woman’s’ job; a good outcome.  Continue this pattern and help your child feel satisfied with a job done.  Feel appreciated.  They will thank you for that training when they are older!  They’ll remember.